The need for this space to write and share feels less useful than it once did. A sign that instead of working things out here for myself, I’m more invested and proactive in making the resolution in the moment and being much more honest in life about what I want, what makes me happy, what makes me feel loved, and what makes me want to run for the hills – as an exercise to prevent me from doing so.
So who knows how often – if ever – I’ll be updating this place. It’s served me so well and has bared the brunt of many logic wars I’ve battled with myself. And it’s been my scapegoat for when I was too afraid to deal direct, a somewhat passive aggressive attempt at resolution or closure when I didn’t think I could truly say what I felt too the person.
But also, I had to write all these words in this place to better get a grip on my own abilities of communication. To understand that acidic words can kill and that I need to temper my responses, my use of language in delicate situations when it’s not reflective of the inner part.
I’m eager to get direct without the battle armor.