With Thanksgiving over and the Christmas tree(s) adorned and at full mast, I find myself in a reflective mood that signals the end of the year is upon me. Whether tipping my hat to my victories or cringing at the memories of my missteps over the last year, I find it time to count some blessings and time to grant some forgiveness not only to others but myself as well.
This time last year I realized my weight/eating issues (or let’s call a spade a spade and say it was an eating disorder) had reached a point where I was out of control. It was time for a change. I read Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s book Eat To Live and it basically made me rethink everything I was putting into my body. It was less about weight loss and more about making a difference in my food choices that would not only change my health, but my entire life.
It wasn’t a ‘diet,’ it was a lifestyle change. Truly, it was difficult but I could tell the difference in my physical appearance but also in my overall mood. Less junk and more natural choices made me feel healthier and better overall. To date I’ve lost 30lbs. No, I wasn’t overweight before but there was just excess baggage (emotionally as well, which manifested itself in a unhealthy relationship with food) that was doing me no favors. This journey isn’t over and I am amazed and proud that I reached this point.
I’ve given myself over to the passion for running that has come to me ‘later’ in life, having never ran before the age of 22 or so. It’s become a major teacher and a major litmus test for myself in what I can do.
While working on my own self, I can’t help but acknowledge that over the last year many new people came into my life. Some aren’t here that were this time last year. But I’ve come to realize that you can’t get hung up in the ebb and flow of people within your life. If people want to go, let them. If you want people around, open yourself up to them. It’s as simple and complicated as that.
I have to thank all the people who’ve been teachers to me this last year. Whether the time was amazing or amazingly challenging, it was all for a purpose. Some friendships have been rekindled and for that I am absolutely thrilled. Some have fizzled out without anyone to blame – and for those people, I still find love within myself for you. Some friendships were never meant to work and that’s okay.
The course of the last year has had me push my personal boundaries as far as having social anxiety. I feel more free and more comfortable in my skin than I have in years past and I cherish the new people and new experiences that I have and will continue to have on a personal level, whether in terms of friendships or even in relationships.
Speaking of new experiences, let’s talk about this website. Since December of last year, this website was a place where I talked and talked and talked about everything – life, work, music, entertainment, etc. I decided that while I could put my heart on my sleeve in real life and on this blog, I wanted to commit to living more in the present – away from the blog. As well, I wanted to take a chance to branch out and take the passion I have for writing in conjunction with my crazy imagination and use it for freelance or consulting opportunities wherein I can assist other people in enhancing their voice, their visions. Collaboration is truly my goal in 2010. Not only professionally, but personally as well. I believe that nothing I do on my own can’t be made better by someone else’s input and vice versa.
2009 – What a year to start such a venture, right? While the financial world went topsy turvy this year, many people found themselves out of work, found themselves struggling to make it. I am grateful and thankful to have the stability of my current position and I figured that in such a time, when many people don’t have the budgets or the resources to bring their visions to fruition, why not take this chance to offer myself up?
I look for inspiration and want to be inspired all the time. I want to commit fully to something I love and am constantly looking for things to pour myself into. So why should this be any different? 2010 is going to be a major year professionally. Has it ever been wrong to just keep asking for more?
Maybe you’re asking yourself, “Why is this post entitled ‘The Fame Monster?'” First, I wanted to finally admit my appreciation for Lady Gaga…yes, finally. I wasn’t sold on her for a long while and over time her creativity, passion, intelligence, wit and musicianship won me over. She’s shaking the foundation of what we all expect in entertainment and performance, mashing message into art into meaningless artifice. The breaking of rules and boundaries is truly what I am enamored with. I also enjoy the message that when you stick to your guns and just pursue being yourself, you do carve out a niche for yourself in the world. And again, none of us are islands unto ourselves.
The other reason for the title had to do with the theme of Gaga’s latest album. In interviews, she’s revealed that the inspiration was to come to terms with all her fears. Well, at year’s end isn’t that essentially what everyone does when making a New Year’s resolution? You make a commitment to overcome something in your life that you’ve not yet faced head on. You look toward a brand new start, with brand new confidence, brand new resolve, brand new wisdom and brand new faith. In this next year, I will face my own ‘monsters.’ I’m ready to continue this journey of redefining and reconstructing myself.
So, I have only one thing left to say: Show me your teeth.