Facebook can be deadly. It can allow you to sneak a glimpse into people’s lives that you have no attachment to, leading to the inevitable question, “Why am I friends with this person if I don’t even talk to them in ‘real life?’ (The term ‘real life’ is also absurd – but that’s another topic altogether).
Over the last few weeks I’ve come to terms with my clear aversion to the past. I do not like the past. I do not like to linger upon it, to reminisce, to clutch to it. This was my thought in my car this morning: Looking to the past for clarity is like trying to paint a self-portrait whilst looking in a funhouse mirror. It’s distorted, it’s subjective, it’s in a constant state of flux. That’s why many people have problems with the past. Trying to cut a deal with the past in order to move forward, but there is no deal possible.
I don’t commit energy toward the past, or people from the past that haven’t remained in the present. Maybe that’s my own shortcoming as a person who doesn’t commit to maintenance of said relationships. But what’s the point? As people move on and grow up, there’s little to base any friendship or relationship upon. And these days, I make friends based less on what we have in common and based more on whether I think they are a decent person, who has an exceptional sense of humor and whether they are interesting or intriguing.
What I find most difficult about maintaining the past is that it can have the tendency to overpower your present. It’s hard to keep it in check without overpowering or crippling your ability to be mindful of the present or the future.
There’s a North African symbol called a Sankofa, which is actually painted on my wall in my bedroom. It’s essential meaning is that we must learn from the past in order to move forward, which I wholeheartedly agree with. Your present and future cannot change if you completely ignore the past. But it’s the ability of human will to choose to move beyond past actions or behaviors or feelings that bring about true personal revolution in the present.
People get stuck in cycles of behavior that are self-destructive because they are unsure as to how to live the life they want. I did for a long time. Oddly, I think people (hopefully) reach a point where they just break and because nothing is working, have nothing to lose in living differently.
The past is a thing to rarely reflect upon, giving it a wink and a nod for what it taught you, but not allowing it to foreshadow the future. Some argue that people never change, their habits remain the same. The phrase, “A tiger never loses its stripes,” can be true or not: depends if someone is allowing their past to rule their present.
I haven’t erased the past, the people from it or my fond memories, but they become intangible relics that don’t serve me today.
And the problem with Facebook is that it creates this social obligation to be friends with people from your past, when in a world with social networking, you never would have seen or heard from many people ever again. I’d rather live in that world. I don’t need the artifice. And I certainly don’t need the ability to sneak a peek so as to stay in touch or, if most people were honest to admit, to compare and contrast the differences in lives as a measure of “How Well Did I Turn Out?”
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