I always get so intrigued going back to hear artists talk about the impetus of a song, where it came from, the environment in which the emotion cultivated such a thought.
“…in ‘Hotel’ she says goodbye to someone she perhaps might have married. I think as you’re getting married, all the loves, even the 10-minutes loves, are popping up. ‘Hotel’ was really like feeling like an agent – a spy – in that he was the greatest guy at one time and they were giving me time behind enemy lines. Even though she knows they can’t be lovers because it’s a whole other life, she just can’t let him go. That’s the thing about letting old lovers go. You don’t stop loving some of them. There are a couple you love no less than you ever did. Not to mention names…but I’m still in love with a couple. You’re not going to try to make it work again, but if they needed you, you’d drop everything.” –
Tori Amos, Alternative Press 7/98
I was asked if I had ever made a gratitude list. Not to my knowledge. At times on this blog I’ll call out some things that I’m appreciative of and grateful for, but perhaps a laundry list is needed.
I am grateful for:
- Loving parents who have never given up on me.
- A mother who is a bad-ass and has taught me to be a fighter.
- A father who passed along his charming and endearing qualities of big personality to me.
- Finding people who get me, even when I don’t get myself, and remind me to never give up on me.
- Having loved as much as I have thus far and having been loved in return.
- The opportunities my education and career have presented to me; the people who took a chance on me.
- The chance to breathe and grow.
- The luxuries of time and space to think.
- Peace of mind that comes with physical repetition and exertion.
- Finding spirituality in my own way and feeling free to share that as I desire, or not.
- The times I’ve cried my heart out.
- The food in my belly and the roof over my head.
- My job and the joy I find in going to work each day.
- Coworkers who are inspiring and a joy to be with.
- Conversations that push buttons, especially when they can push my own.
- The chance to apply knowledge and see the change I want to be.
- Those friends who will kick my ass as needed.
- Children. Because they remind me to be a little more big-hearted when it comes to the world.
- The materials to be expressive.
- My apartment and it’s re-charging capabilities.
- My duality.
- Music. Music. Music. Music.
- Curiosity and books and knowledge.
- People who are less interested in self-awareness.
- The ability to forgive myself, which has come to me only recently. And therein the ability to forgive others.
- Myth and the lack of answers.
- Therapy and my therapist for being a sounding board. And providing me a place of practice.
- Donuts and cookies and brownies and everything sweet.
- The smell of freshly cut grass.
- Vegetables that nurture me.
- A comfortable and comforting bed.
- Humor that has been given to me.
- Simplicity and stability.
- For my health and my body.
- Empathy and emotional wisdom that’s always making me wake up.
- Blazing hot 90 degree days at the beach.
- Quiet, falling snow and the crunch of boots within it.
- Awareness, especially of myself.
- The vegetation in this concrete jungle that gives a reminder of the beauty within nature.
- Death as a means to make important the value of living.
- The ability to see windows opening when doors close.
- The chance to sit here and type this and have technology readily accessible.
- Clean water.
- Oreo cookies.
- Intelligent and artistic people surrounding.
- Ice lattes.
What I want:
- To be a better friend to my friends.
- To be readily accessible.
- To be free and open from all self-judging.
- To value perspectives outside of myself as a method of learning my own way.
- To learn how to sit quietly in listening mode.
- Children, preferably two.
- A husband who is caring, intelligent, funny, passionate and optimistically progressive.
- A warm and inviting home.
- To be more socially integrated and less inhibited in terms of new people.
- To recognize the divine in every person and offer empathy and compassion to all.