A day for sweet hearts



I haven’t posted in a while. For good reason. I’ve become less interested in documentation and less concerned about overthinking/overanalyzing. Just living. Letting go. Being malleable, being present, being conscious.

This does sum it up:


I’m happy right now. Things are going swimmingly well on all fronts.

No resolve can be a resolution.

Your challenge is to best come to grips with reality that you’ll never have the closure you want.

It’s okay.

It’s okay.



To feel this dissonance. And as you carry on, how you carry it with you will change. That’s what my medicine woman tells me. And I trust her and the cocktails she pours.

You oughta know.

Yeah, this sums up the kiss-off and the honesty that I finally copped to that you can’t lay waste to someone and then just keep waltzing back in without a care in the world, without any pretense of actually making amends or being aware of the mess you created.

It was time that you knew. And it’s time that you stop being so cavalier with the mess that was left.

However, I’m utterly thankful for the gifts I’ve lifted out of all of this, the phoenix that rose from the ash. I had to be broken in order to be set straight for others. But while I carry that gratitude, I also carry the heaviness of the knowledge you’ll forever affect me. And that’s why I ask for complete disconnection. Because you’re so unaware of how it all affects me and it’s my fault for not saying this sooner.

As I’ve said before, we all play the hero and villain from time to time. It just depends on who gets to tell the story.


Move in the right direction.

Better yet, just move.

I dig the Gossip and I’ll admit – I’m late to the party on their latest album, especially this single. But you know how certain songs come to you when you’re ready for them. This is that moment.

I feel as if I’m finally moving in the right direction. No point in reminiscing. It’s less about even thinking or being cognizant of WHICH direction and just getting granular (and yet being observantly macro) about momentum and motion in any direction.

About getting back into the swing of things. And going with the flow. And just having opportunities present themselves and (with a wink) accepting them for what they are.


August already?

I cannot believe we’re in the second half of the year. Where has the time gone and where have I spent so much of it?

Thankfully after a delightful sushi kiki/catharsis yesterday with my pal @CMYKChicago, I wrote a “Dear John” letter that was a long time coming. And she had some great wisdom to impart upon me and to remind me that (as even Mr. Satre said earlier in the week, which makes me believe the universe is TRULY trying to slap some sense into me) things don’t always happen on my timetable.

So with more focus on surrender, and after yesterday’s video post – more smiling, I’m just going to enjoy my life for what it is right now and the fun I’m actually having vs being so focused on this tiny piece that I currently and indefinitely will have no control over. Might as well smile, have a cocktail and just dance, right?

I’m not going to apologize for who I am and how much of a romantic sap I can be and how I crave love, but I also know that I’m not the type to play the games.

Big project at work that’s coming up is pretty exciting. A first I think for all of us involved so I’m pretty proud and terrified and eager to have this under my belt and do it all again.

There are some gentlemen that I’m entertained by at the moment. And I’m not forcing myself to pick or commit or feel obligated. You know me…always rushing in to fall in love and be ready to settle down. So I’m taking some other advice and being a Carrie. And while I feel I know what that means, I have not watched Sex in The City but someone lent me the entire series so in my moments of singledom, I’ll be watching; taking notes and probably realizing how much my life is probably already mirroring the show.

Remember, the clock is ticking. And it’s not about cramming it all in, but it is about just reveling in the time I have and enjoying the flavors.


How to kiki

One of the best tracks of their career, “Let’s Have a Kiki” by the Scissor Sisters is truly the ultimate in describing a particular event in gay culture (although, everyone who has ever gotten together with friends and just had a bitch session – which is really any time friends get together, to be honest) – the kiki. Not to be confused with kai kai, although that’d be a pop gem too, right?

Well, the tragic part of this song is that the Sisters kind of nearly missed the boat with it. Since the album came out, people have said it’s one of the best tracks on the album. Sure it’s camp and ridiculous, but it’s also an amazing party song. It’s for every person who gets ready to go out and meet their friends.

When I saw the Sisters live last month, they kind of did this weird thing where they shoved the track right in the middle of the show, a spot it did not deserve. “Kiki” truly should have been relegated to the opening number or to the finale. Because of its participatory nature, it only makes sense.

And I can understand why the song will never really be a ‘single’ per say (the abundance of profanity and overtones is all part of the charm), I’m glad to see that the band have finally acknowledged the fan love for the track and put together a quick & dirty instructional video that’s based off the live performance.

So put on your dancing shoes this Monday morning and gather everyone into a conference room and have yourself an old-fashioned workplace kiki:


I hope that Ellen watches this and teaches Blake how to do the dance. By the way, there was never a prouder moment than when I got a text from Ellen saying that Blake came up to her and said, “Mommy…have a kiki?”

Check out “Inevitable,” one of the other tracks on the album I’m loving which was produced by Pharrell:


Catch up.


It’s been a few days since I’ve posted and to the chagrin of my own declaration to blog every day, I’ve humbled myself to realize that sometimes you can only pre-plan content so much and that life will interrupt you in many good ways, namely in the visit of guests.

My mom came to visit for the weekend and I took her to see the Michael Jackson Cirque du Soleil show, which was truly fantastic. It kind of raises the bar for concerts – but I realize that not everyone is an amazing aerialist or acrobatic, but still…hire more of these performers for your concert, Madonna!

Other than that, we did some running around and adventuring, leading to a lot of, “How much farther do we have to walk?” being uttered by the person who doesn’t live here.

So regardless, I’m just letting you know that I’m here and not slacking on the responsibility of writing but there are things brewing in my head that I’ll be addressing when I have more quiet/down time.

I leave you with one of the songs performed at the show on Friday night, the lesser known (or commercial) single, “They Don’t Care About Us.” I’m telling you…if you get the chance to see this show, just go. You’ll undoubtedly know about 85% of the music and be blown away by the visuals, including the best stripper known to man (or woman) and who in a few mere seconds, became my idol.


Wynter Gordon’s Human Condition

The only thing I really knew about Wynter Gordon (by choice) is that she had a song I loved called “Dirty Talk” that I played the shit out of in 2010. Then my only other memory of her is that after I moved here, Nic worked at a bar and she came to perform and he said she was terribly drunk and just a hot mess. That’s the image I carry around for her.

I did dig a little bit to listen to her With The Music I Die album that came out a year later and I wasn’t blown away. It sounded like nothing cutting edge or terribly new, with my assumption being that as a strong writer for many other artists like Jennifer Lopez and Mary J. Blige, all the gems were given away for more money.

So I was a little bit taken aback when I heard and saw the first single from the first EP in her four-part The Human Condition series. “Stimela” opens up the scene on the Doleo (Latin for “pain”) and kind of strays from her dance pop stable footing, venturing into a more adult and mature sound. Honestly, it’s like a peppier & more interesting track from Sade.


“Stimela is the very first video I directed. I wanted it to be an emotional visual art piece, displaying humans as free, powerful animals. We are all running from something or searching for something; our instincts have been ignored. This is me finally listening to them. This is to finally listening.”

Gordon told Billboard that she felt underutilized and not authentic just doing dance or pop music and these EPs will be truly representative of all of her musical passions.

Doleo will be available for free from WynterGordon.com.

More tour interludes please, Madonna.

Madonna is currently on a worldwide tour for her latest album, MDNA. Having seen her on her last three tours, I opted out. Of course I’m kind of hee-hawing about whether I’ll go and get a ticket right before she comes to Chicago, but I feel as though I’ve completed a trinity of tours and the last one was lackluster at best. I’ll blame the album, Hard Candy, for setting the tone for that tour.

One of the best parts of any Madonna show are the interludes. These are mini-films set to reinterpreted versions of her songs that usually play on the screens while they are switching out sets or costumes and usually act as a bookend to that section of a show.

It blows my mind how her interludes are actually better than a lot of her music videos. Perhaps that’s because they are short & sweet, soundtracked by songs we already know/love and show Madonna doing what she does best – work a camera.

With the first, Madonna makes her usual political statement about the world. This is something we’ve come to expect:


These two videos espouse the same planetary call-to-arms from the divine Madonna:



Another one from the current show:


And as much I just loathed the last tour, it did give us this, which makes its way onto my workout playlists all the time thanks to the Mortal Kombat.


Then there are the artsy ones, which may have two of the best opening films she’s done:



So in other words…I would like her to stop making weird or crappy music videos on a shoestring budget and instead get the people who are making these interesting, dare-I-say more artistic pieces to helm the camera for any songs that she’s (I’m laughing as I write this) hoping to release as a single for commercial and mainstream success. Sorry, I barely could get through that.

Fact is, I don’t know if mainstream is where Madonna is anymore. It’s not that she’s not cool, but she’s just not surfing the wave of where culture is at like she used to. As I was talking to my friend, I realized that poor Madonna has been a trailblazer in nearly every facet of her career and the last place she’ll be the first to venture into is old age. Not that I’m saying she’s old, but she’s clearly in the midst of an identity crisis in terms of what the public want and expects and what she wants to continue pursuing artistically. Sex was great, but with 20-year-olds nipping at your heels, and a supportive fan base that’s been with you for over three decades, it’s time to figure out what it is you’ve got left to say and how to say it.