It’s just the beginning.


Well, December 21st came and went and we’re all still here. So either the Mayans were wrong, we were wrong about them or both. There’s something to be said for thinking that the world would ‘end’ – because I’m not even sure what that means. As I mentioned in the last post, defining the ‘end’ is always difficult.

And in most cases, we find that an end doesn’t even really exist. That instead of things ending, they just alter and something new or different begins.

And now that 2012 as a whole has come to a full stop, there’s the obvious conclusion that it’s never an end. It’s just the start of something else. But that moment of shifting perception is always up to you, not the calendar.

And as we are now fully into winter, one of my go-to albums for this time of year is Everything But The Girl’s ‘Temperamental.’ I can’t see what it is specifically that make me relate it to winter, but it’s probably because I used to walk around my college town at night with this just blaring in my headphones, snow falling around me. It felt intimate and dense, while both uplifting and melancholic.


Or for something a little more uptempo…


So what does 2013 hold in store for me? I’m not sure. Good stuff. Goodness. Big heartedness. Hope. Happiness. I mean, it started off with my karaoke rendition of this, including the improv pimp/ho call and response in the bar. I worked the room & made it a performance, being the show pony I am.

How does one top that? Easy. Keep doing it. In every way with every opportunity. Just shining. And that’s the reminder. Everybody shines. I think sometimes we’re too afraid or embarrassed to do so. But really, it’s when you feel the most ‘right’ in the world. And that’s my resolution to myself in this year and more – to tap into this feeling of ‘this is what I ought to be doing with my life because it makes me happy’ more and more.

I’m also blessed for the people in my life who make me laugh, keep me grounded and encourage me to go outside of my own fears. And I’m thankful for the abundance of love from the people around me, my friends, my family, my work family. And the moments of kindness from strangers that truly do just make my day and inspire me to be more kind to others for no good reason.

A lot like Christmas.

Well, we’re getting closer and closer to Christmas. The holiday season is well under way.

There’s always a moment of reflection and a moment of looking forward to what the new year will bring and who will be brought in to your life.

Breaking tradition this year and staying in the city. I know what you’re thinking…

Speaking of the Grinch, I went and saw the musical just last week and it put me in the Christmas spirit. I’ve slightly decorated in the most minimal of ways, with only a strand of lights and garland and home-made charcoal drawings.

Unsurprisingly, some disappointing news on a front that I’d been waiting to hear about for months. Not shocked, but kind of disgusted. We’ll see what this all means for the coming year. *See Grinch .gif above.

Good stuff is happening though and I’m pretty blessed. I’m ready for a bit of this, some hot chocolate and music:

I’ve made a few resolutions for myself and I’ve also resolved to be so less masochistic in such stringent self-guiding principles.

More open, more friendly, more appreciative, more aware of all the good things going on around me. And being less caught up in the “I should be here by 30″ or “I should have achieved this by now” and the “Why isn’t my life better than what it is?” etc.

The constant lesson – let go.

In other news, while not a huge CeeLo fan, I adore the purist cover of Donny Hathaway’s classic:


And Tracey Thorn’s cover of “River” is stunning. She wanted a brass band orchestration that was similar to something you’d hear the Salvation Army band playing – and that’s what she got. Listen now to Tracey’s cover of the Joni Mitchell classic.

Of course there is the Carol of the Bells, this time by The Bird and the Bee.

Break the cycles.

The concept of ‘new year’ and rebirth seems weird to celebrate in the early part of winter.  I find it more suitable for the spring when everything comes alive and is actually lush with life. However, like most, I still honor the concept of ending the calendar year on 12/31 by imbibing alcohol and spending time with friends or family each year.

This year has been brilliant awful beautiful amazing heartbreaking love-filled ugly sad joyous lesson-filled. For me, I took a wonderful tumble in learning when and how your emotions can positively (or negatively, as is most often the case) influence your outlook and participation in life. How to forgive greatly. How to let go of pain. How to embrace the uncertainty of where the next step will bubble up that you are supposed to walk upon.  How to give love and receive love and honor each love as its own. How to be less responsible for others and therefore owning up to the responsibility and power over myself. How to be less black and white, which is a constant opportunity for growth.

No, I wouldn’t change a thing about 2011. Like others that came before, and like many soon to follow, it was eye-opening. I cannot forget or erase what’s happened and wouldn’t want to. All the people that crossed my path have been amazing teachers that I’m lucky to have learned something from.

Continue reading Break the cycles.

I resolve to surrender more in 2011.

While 2010 was a year of motion, 2011 is going to be a year of digging. Digging down into the Earth, digging down into myself and digging down into my goals, into people and into life. I don’t like the thought of making resolutions because they seems to just be harbingers of failure. Instead of acceptance of the unpredictability of life. Resolutions become ‘musts’ in a world that is based on ‘maybe.’ Why set ourselves up like that? Why bother, right?

Instead, I just think of what I WANT TO DO with my year. What I’d like to accomplish, not what I HAVE to accomplish. It’s a switch in the view between being a slave to your life and being in the driver’s seat.

Continue reading I resolve to surrender more in 2011.